A Teenie Weenie Theravada Wagon Wheelie

I am really riled about how atavistic the Thai Forest tradition is being about the whole bikkhuni ordination situation. They are literally behaving like misogynistic cretins about this. Read John’s post over at Sweep the Dust Push the Dirt as well as Sujato’s posts on what has been happening in Australia, particularly this post.

I know that this is not how I should behave or feel if I am practicing Dhamma correctly, but dag gummit! I don’t have the authority to tell the fellows at Wat Pa Pong they’re behaving like a bunch of junior high school boys. But their efforts to control and quash Western sanghas and their efforts to allow women into the Theravada monastic community is so outlandish, so completely corrupt, and so utterly bold and brazen that it is just like the Soviets sending nuclear missiles to Cuba – it is that provocative.

They have drawn a line in the sand. I say we kick the sand in their face. They must be shamed into retracting their position. And every Buddhist blogger, I urge you to post as much about this so that our thoughts and words get picked up by Google in searches and more people realize just how insane it is that the most peace loving and compassionate world view that there is can’t even find room to allow women to share in its supreme bliss.

And so I have written a song to commemorate this moment. Well, sort of. If you know how to sing “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini,” then you can sing this song too.

Budho doh doh dohohohohohoho

She had a calling for that monastic life
A zillion precepts were no concern
She had a calling for that monastic life
Contemplation is what she yearned

Two three four tell the people what’s the score

It’s that Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Theravada wagon wheelie
Seems it has no room for the gals
An Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Theravada wagon wheelie
The rules were changed by misogynistic pals

Two three four stick around we’ll tell you more

Budho doh doh dohohohohohoho

All the fellows it seemed had achieved their dream
Wearing stylish robes while they set the tone
All the fellows it seemed had achieved their dream
And they wanted to keep it all monochrome

Two three four tell the bikkhus they’re a bore

Budho doh doh dohohohohohoho

Cuz it’s a Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Theravada wagon wheelie
Barely room for fat-assed monastic snobs
An Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Theravada wagon wheelie
They’re really not against the stream but boorish slobs

Two three four let us open up the door

The Buddha said contemplation is supreme
What’s the deal? Just go by what is said?
The Buddha said contemplation is supreme
Even Buddha deigned that thinking dead

Two three four it’s time to see the teaching’s core

Budho doh doh dohohohohohoho

And scrub that Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Theravada wagon wheelie
Let’s open up our minds and breathe the air
Expand that Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Theravada wagon wheelie
And understand that we can make things fair

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, I’m accepting donations at the back of the hall.”