Trying hard to care enough

Kamala (or Jaime) at the blog Meditate and Destroy shared a powerful experience from her past. It surprised me what it brought out of me, a memory still so vivid, but one I just want to forget.

Initially, I wrote about this experience and posted it. After sleeping on the matter, I have decided to remove the narrative. The question kept arising, why do I want to post this? And after examining this question, I concluded that the answer was not appropriate.

We have all had experiences in our lives that we want to forget; the reason why is unimportant. In our own little universe of our mind, our experiences are the most important things, events, in the world; but when viewed outside of this narrow realm of perception, they can become insignificant.

By saying this, I am not suggesting that Kamala’s life experiences are insignificant. What she writes about in her blog is profound. And while it evoked a memory out of me, while it sparked a recollection from my past, the fact that I have somewhat clumsily labeled them as “similar” is a fabrication of my own, a categorization created by mind.

So when I titled this post “Trying hard to care enough,” it was intended to reflect on my own struggle to care enough about myself, and by enough, I mean in the right way. As the concept of metta reveals, before we can truly be kind and friendly and helpful to others, we must genuinely be that way with ourselves first. If I cannot correctly understand my own suffering and delusions, how can I help others with theirs?

Another photo of Benny's, also from Peru. You can see more of his photos here.