Piyavagga: Dear Ones (Affection)

I have noted some benefit coming out of my personal challenge to blog daily. And it isn’t that I am now more familiar with the Dhammapada than I ever had been before, although there is benefit in that, to be sure. No, the benefit I am experiencing is subtle, and yet profound. Because when I began this self-imposed task, I had only recently said goodbye to my partner. If I were to retreat in anyway as a reaction to his leaving the country, it made sense to retreat into the Dhamma, to seek refuge.

By sticking to this task of blogging daily about each chapter in the Dhammapada, I have diverted my sorrow into something more positive. It’s still there, but it feels diffused because I didn’t give it the opportunity to fester and build. And in the process, I’ve been able to sort through my feelings, my attachments. I have been able to contemplate in a way my relationship with someone very dear to me and face what goes on internally when separation occurs.

This sounds so analytical, so clinical, so unfeeling; but I assure you, it has been anything but a dissociative experience. One thing I can say is that this has been eye-opening. I have contemplated love in ways I never have before. I can remember my first experiences with men and at that time love was instantaneous and filled with infatuation. It was an all or nothing endeavor that often left me feeling like a gutted corpse. But slowly, painfully, this addictive behavior (we say things like “I need you, I got to have you, I can’t live without you!” My god, we could be just as well be talking about Vicodin) gave way to something more appreciative, more like the true kind of loving kindness, metta, that the Buddha talked about.

And so it is with a very different pair of eyes that I approach the Piyavagga today than, let’s say, nine years ago when I first encountered the Dhamma.

“Having applied himself
to what was not his own task,
and not having applied himself
to what was,
having disregarded the goal
to grasp at what he held dear,
he now envies those
who kept after themselves,
took themselves
to task.”

I’m not envious of those who have taken up vows, who have followed a monastic path. But I do wonder with greater frequency what bliss they have found that would cause them to give up on this wonderful and painful but beautifully sensual life.

“Don’t ever — regardless —
be conjoined with what’s dear
or undear.
It’s painful
not to see what’s dear
or to see what’s not.

So don’t make anything dear,
for it’s dreadful to be far
from what’s dear.
No bonds are found
for those for whom
there’s neither dear
nor undear.”

Not for a minute do I believe these verses to be telling me that not making anything dear means not to love anything or anyone. In this context, I believe the word “dear” is being used to mean something that is so valued that I must have it, I cannot be separated from it. So I can love someone and not be selfishly possessive. As Elton John sang, “butterflies are free to fly, fly away, high away, bye bye.”

The next set of verses are somewhat difficult to interpret usefully.

“From what’s dear is born grief,
from what’s dear is born fear.
For one freed from what’s dear
there’s no grief
— so how fear?

From what’s loved is born grief,
from what’s loved is born fear.
For one freed from what’s loved
there’s no grief
— so how fear?

From delight is born grief,
from delight is born fear.
For one freed from delight
there’s no grief
— so how fear?

From sensuality is born grief,
from sensuality is born fear.
For one freed from sensuality
there’s no grief
— so how fear?

From craving is born grief,
from craving is born fear.
For one freed from craving
there’s no grief
— so how fear?”

I get the idea of being freed from craving, freed from sensuality, and even freed from delight, or that is a bit more difficult. Does being freed from delight mean that I no longer feel that bubbly emotion we call delight? Does it mean I cannot delight is a lovely poem? A beautiful sunset.? A kind gesture? And when it comes to the idea of being freed from what’s dear, from what’s loved is more difficult. Am I free from Benny because he’s gone? And does that mean I stop loving him? This is a bit more knotty.

The notion of delight, or affection, gets turned around a bit in the final verses. For example, look at the last verses.

“A man long absent
comes home safe from afar.
His kin, his friends, his companions,
delight in his return.

In just the same way,
when you’ve done good
& gone from this world
to the world beyond,
your good deeds receive you —
as kin, someone dear
come home.”

In this example, the fact that a man’s return after a long absence to his kin, friends, etc., brings delight to these people is used as a positive to demonstrate the rewards one can experience by doing good: after death, the merit gathered welcomes you as if a long lost friend. Obviously, in the first part the people described held great affection for the returning man; they held him dearly. That’s a good thing, because it is used as a literary method to explain the workings of kamma and the accumulation of merit in our lives.

So it would seem to be a fine line between the type of “holding someone dear” that is infatuation or obsession, and this which is loving-kindness, a type of affection that is nurturing and non-binding rather than clinging and dependent.

When I think about it, I have to wonder, how can you have happiness without some type of object that is the source of that happiness? Or at least the catalyst for that happiness? The Buddha taught that all states of being are conditioned upon a prior state of being or condition. But Nibbana is an unconditioned state even though I cannot attain it unless I break all conditions, which is a condition itself.

Alright, I’m getting dizzy. Suffice it to say that I believe in love.

Buddhavagga: Awakened

I’m feeling better today, albeit just slightly. There is still a lot of emotional shit I need to deal with and resolve, or at the least come to terms with. These things happen, and I am frankly very thankful that I have challenged myself to blog daily about the Dhammapada. It gives me something to focus on and pull myself out of my maudlin moods. I’ve never been called a queen, but thankfully, I resisted pulling out the Judy cds.

Reading the Buddhavagga makes me feel more optimistic (however, notice that my state of mind continues to be dependent on external stimuli, in this case, a chapter in the Dhammapada). The first set of verses inspire that optimism by reminding me that the Buddha was an enlightened being, and in his teachings I can place my unwavering trust.

“Whose conquest can’t be undone,
whose conquest no one in the world
can reach;
awakened, his pasture endless,
pathless:
by what path will you lead him astray?

In whom there’s no craving
— the sticky ensnarer —
to lead him anywherever at all;
awakened, his pasture endless,
pathless:
by what path will you lead him astray?”

Indeed, craving is a “sticky ensnarer.” The fact the Buddha had gone beyond that (this isn’t faith, it’s a fact) instills confidence and encourages my perseverance. Skipping a verse, I come to a set that also comfort me with the knowledge that sometimes my whining is not without justification.

“Hard the winning of a human birth.
Hard the life of mortals.
Hard the chance to hear the true Dhamma.
Hard the arising of Awakened Ones.”

The hackneyed retort of “life sucks and then you die” is more than just a sarcastic quip that has found its place in the day-to-day lexicon. It is, in fact, the truth. But understanding this doesn’t mean I cave into endless feelings of remorse or melancholy. It means that the hardships I deal with are only different in content from what everybody else deals with. We all have to deal with it, we all have the choice to act with skill or be guided by greed, hatred and delusion.

Some may say it was chance that a past boyfriend of mine introduced me to Buddhism, but I am more inclined to believe that it was my kamma. Whether it was good or ill, things that I have done in this life as well as in prior lives brought themselves together into a force of direction that led me to that Dhammasala where I met my teacher. I was made aware that the place existed, and that this monk had said something while I was visiting that stuck with me. So a year later when the bottom of my bucket fell out, I instantly knew what to do: I drove the 90 minutes back to that Dhammasala and sought out that monk.

“The non-doing of any evil,
the performance of what’s skillful,
the cleansing of one’s own mind:
this is the teaching
of the Awakened.

Patient endurance:
the foremost austerity.
Unbinding:
the foremost,
so say the Awakened.
He who injures another
is no contemplative.
He who mistreats another,
no monk.

Not disparaging, not injuring,
restraint in line with the Patimokkha,
moderation in food,
dwelling in seclusion,
commitment to the heightened mind:
this is the teaching
of the Awakened.”

It’s easy to dismiss the above verses as pertaining only to monks, but to do so would mean missing some points that are important for laypeople as well. Such as the focus on simply the “non-doing of any evil,” and the effort on being skillful. By putting effort into these activities, which are at the heart of the Four Right Efforts, we cleanse our minds. It takes practice. I can’t call myself a Buddhist if all I do is read a lot of clever books and listen to inspiring speakers; Buddhism is a practice, a way of life. I have to live it. So I work at not disparaging others (really hard for me) and not injuring others (very easy for me as I abhor violence), and show moderation in my food and drink consumption (also quite difficult for me because I love good food and wine). To accomplish that, I occasionally, though not frequently enough, examine the Five Hindrances to see which one(s) are problematic for me at the moment, then work more diligently at cultivating the opposite.

“Not even if it rained gold coins
would we have our fill
of sensual pleasures.
‘Stressful,
they give little enjoyment’ —
knowing this, the wise one
finds no delight
even in heavenly sensual pleasures.
He is one who delights
in the ending of craving,
a disciple of the Rightly
Self-Awakened One.”

I wouldn’t mind some gold coins raining on my life, but it’s still true, a windfall would not erase my troubles, just replace my present troubles with different ones. Ah, but to experience those different troubles!

“They go to many a refuge,
to mountains and forests,
to park and tree shrines:
people threatened with danger.
That’s not the secure refuge,
not the supreme refuge,
that’s not the refuge,
having gone to which,
you gain release
from all suffering & stress.

But when, having gone
to the Buddha, Dhamma,
& Sangha for refuge,
you see with right discernment
the four noble truths —
stress,
the cause of stress,
the transcending of stress,
& the noble eightfold path,
the way to the stilling of stress:
that’s the secure refuge,
that, the supreme refuge,
that is the refuge,
having gone to which,
you gain release
from all suffering & stress.”

These verses are so inspiring for me. Granted, I tend to “seek refuge” when I’m frightened and want a bit of protection. But regardless of the motivation, it’s the right thing to do, and each time, a bit more is absorbed and brought into my life.

Skipping to the last verse, I find something of value, but something that bugs me as well.

“If you worship those worthy of worship,
— Awakened Ones or their disciples —
Who’ve transcended
complications,
lamentation,
& grief,
who are unendangered,
fearless,
unbound:
there’s no measure for reckoning
that your merit’s ‘this much.’”

First, what bugs me. “If you worship those worthy of worship …” This is a case of when I disagree with Thanissaro Bhikkhu’s translation, because Buddhism has got nothing to do with worshipping anything. So the translation by Acharya Buddharakkhita is more appropriate to the verse’s meaning: “He who reveres those worthy of reverence …”

What is of value here is that the verse reveals that one’s reverence need not be limited to the Buddha himself, but can be extended to his disciples. So finding a teacher that teaches the true Dhamma and is skilled with his or her own instruction is a blessing of great magnitude that should not be ignored. This reminds me of a song from “The Sound of Music,” when Julie Andrews sings, “Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good.”

That lyric is the essence of merit. And the fact that I was led to my teacher must mean that somewhere in my past, whether it be this life or a previous life, regardless of how wicked I might have been, I had done something worthy of merit and that led me to the Dhamma.

That is no small thing. And it can be said of all of us who have found Buddhism. We are extraordinarily fortunate to have the opportunity to learn the Buddha’s teachings and to practice them. But that’s the key, it’s just an opportunity. The rest is work we must do.

Papavagga: Evil

When I think of the word evil, I think really seriously malicious and harmful acts. I mean, evil is EVIL! The connotation this word carries is ominous. The icons of evil in almost all cultures are easy to spot, as they are normally represented by fierce and ugly looking creatures or people. Evil is scarey! It’s not a word you would necessarily run into much disagreement over with others.

I think we can agree that murder is evil; stealing from an 80-year-old woman is evil; torturing a child is evil; rape is evil.

What about theft? I think we can find agreement that it is wrong, but is it evil? And to what degree? What about lying? It is evil to promise someone you will do something for them, and then intentionally fail to deliver on that promise, making up an excuse as to why you didn’t do as you said you would? Wrong, yes, but evil?

This is why I believe that for some folks the Papavagga in the Dhammapada might be read as common sense advice, but probably not something that directly relates to them.

“Be quick in doing
What’s admirable.
Restrain your mind
from what’s evil.
When you’re slow
in making merit,
evil delights the mind.”

No one thinks of themselves as being evil. Yet when I look at the alternative translation of this chapter, I find that the word “evil” is still being used. And the term is juxtaposed with the term “merit,” which certainly doesn’t carry the connotative weight that the word “evil” does. So for me to get anything out of these verses, I don’t think of the word “evil” as meaning “EVIL.” Rather, I think of it as representing any intentional, unskillful, malicious and ill-mannered act, because as you read the rest of the verses, you begin to see that the consequences for any of the enumerated traits I listed are the same as for what is generally considered as “evil.”

“If a person does evil,
he shouldn’t do it again & again,
shouldn’t develop a penchant for it.
To accumulate evil
brings pain.

If a person makes merit,
he should do it again & again,
should develop a penchant for it.
To accumulate merit
brings ease.”

That repetition is the mother of learning is a universal concept in all cultures. Everything becomes easier with repetition. The first lie you ever told in your life I bet was a real chore to get out because you knew it was wrong to lie. But I bet the last lie you told was accomplished with greater ease, even if you still felt guilt while telling it or remorse afterward. And each time you tell one, it will get easier. Which is why the Buddha instructed us to stop these actions before they develop into habits. And it is also why the Buddha instructed that making merit, or doing good things that benefit others, will also become easier to accomplish if done repeatedly. For some of us, being altruistic doesn’t come naturally; we need practice.

“Even the evil
meet with good fortune
as long as their evil
has yet to mature.
But when it’s matured
That’s when they meet
with evil.

Even the good
meet with bad fortune
as long as their good
has yet to mature.
But when it’s matured
That’s when they meet
with good fortune.”

While the essence of kamma is the law of cause and effect, that unskillful acts bring poor results and skillful acts bring good results, kamma is not strictly linear. It is a very complex set of feedback cycles that includes everything we have done in the past, as well as what we are doing in the present. It is very possible that despite all the good actions we engage in, we may still encounter unpleasant results, uncooperative people, even resistance or pain. And yes, everyday we see people do shitty things to us or others and we see them get away with it.

Indulge me with a story. Consider one of my best friends, a man with the kindest heart and a willingness to do what he can to help others. Why does he suffer with AIDS? In the late 1990s, his doctor was trying a new medication on him. He developed a peculiar ache and coldness in his right leg from about his groin down to his foot. He called the doctor because he thought it was a reaction to the medication, but the nurse, who would not bother the doctor at home, assured him that was not the case; just keep taking the medication. Like a good patient, my friend listened to the nurse’s advice.

But later the pain in his leg was so intense he couldn’t stand it, plus he noticed his foot was turning blue. He attempted to hobble into his car to drive himself to the emergency room, but he couldn’t do it; he called an ambulance. Within minutes of his arrival to the emergency room, the cause of his pain was identified; his new medication had caused a clot to form in his femoral artery, blocking virtually all blood to his right leg. The clot was so severe that had it come loose, it could become lodged in his lungs, heart or brain and kill him. They put him on a slow drip dose of a blood thinner that slowly dissolved the clot, all the while keeping a close eye on his lower leg and foot; they weren’t sure the limb would fully recover, that amputation might be necessary.

My friend fully recovered and found a new doctor who knew a heck of a lot more about how to treat AIDS than his previous doctor. Many suggested to my friend that he should sue his former doctor for malpractice, but he said no, “I’m not that way. I’m not a vengeful person.” However, a month or so later, an outlet in his former doctor’s home shorted out and caused a fire, and the doctor’s $1 million home was razed.

More than 10 years after this, my friend is still alive while so many others have died.

“Don’t underestimate evil
(‘It won’t amount to much’).
A water jar fills,
even with water
falling in drops.
With evil — even if
bit
by
bit,
habitually —
the fool fills himself full.

Don’t underestimate merit
(‘It won’t amount to much’).
A water jar fills,
even with water
falling in drops.
With merit — even if
bit
by
bit,
habitually —
the enlightened one fills himself full.”

Yes, at times it can seem that we’re not getting any benefit out of the good things we do, and sometimes we think that a minor slight here or there won’t amount to much. But kamma is cumulative, as is merit.

“Like a merchant with a small
but well-laden caravan
— a dangerous road,
like a person who loves life
— a poison,
one should avoid
— evil deeds.”

It’s just good sense, right? There are a few more verses, but there’s no point in mentioning them here. Just read them for yourself. But I will end with the final set as a reminder that no matter where you go, there you are.

“Not up in the air,
nor in the middle of the sea,
nor going into a cleft in the mountains
— nowhere on earth —
is a spot to be found
where you could stay & escape
your evil deed.

Not up in the air,
nor in the middle of the sea,
nor going into a cleft in the mountains
— nowhere on earth —
is a spot to be found
where you could stay & not succumb
to death.”

(Note: The photo with this post is of Raja’s Noodle House in Kuta, Bali, Indonesia, which was hit by one of three terrorist bombs in October 2005. I took the photo three weeks after the bombing. There was still bits of broken glass and shrapnel on the sidewalks all along the street.)